European Union Referendum: Which Way to vote?

 

As the Vernal equinox passes, and summer coyly dances on the horizon, our thoughts turn to cricket, picnics, days at the seaside, fat knackers walking around bare-chested (just pack it in. Please!), and this year, how we can wield our vote in the European Union referendum, in order to destroy as many political careers as possible.

To help my British compatriots in their decision, below, I have listed some of the possible negative and positive consequences of their choices.

This list is not finite.

 Vote to stay?

Negative.

·       Nigel Farage gets to keep his job and UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party) will remain in existence, for the foreseeable future. This is very bad and very, very sad.

·        Laws (some), that affect our lives, will continue to be made by unelected representatives, and MEP’s (Member of the European Parliament) will continue to ride the gravy train, with their snouts deep in the trough, while doing sod-all all day.

·        We will have to put up with, for the rest of our lives, everything that goes wrong in Britain, being blamed, by the right wing rednecks, on immigration and immigrants.

·        According to Mrs Gove ( wife of Brexiter and Justice Minister, Michael Gove), apparently her husband is also a famous writer? So not only will we still have to put up with the shallow, vacuous, whining, self-indulgent shite, spewed out by Mrs Gove ( who I expect, in her mind, is also a 'famous writer'), but we will probably have to cope with the marvellous incites of, the apparently other, ‘famous writer’, in the Gove household, Mr Gove, as well, as he will undoubtedly be re-employed by Rupert Murdoch, after he stands down or is sacked from parliament.

·        Jeremy *unt (Health Minister), will be able to continue his other role as ‘Minister for Murdoch’ within the cabinet, as well as continuing his privatisation of the NHS (National Health Service).

·        Prime Minister Cameron and Chancellor of the Exchequer Osborne, get to continue their political careers, as well as continuing to wage their war of spite, on the poor, the disabled, the BBC, the NHS, the Welfare State and people “who are not their voters”.

·        Osborne is able to continue his mission to destroy the British economy, along with the futures of 10 million children.

·        Nicky Morgan ( Education Minister), will be unable to return to her role of playing Beaker on the Muppet Show and instead, will continue to trash our educational system and thus, the futures of 10 million children.

     

Education Minister.                     Beaker from the Muppets.

Positive.

·        Michael Gove gets the sack.

·        The Tory party fractures, as the crazed, swivel eyed Europhobes go into meltdown.

·        Goodbye Boris Johnson.

·        Iain Duncan Smith gets the sack, and is foiled in his plan to reduce unemployment to zero by sanctioning all people that are unemployed, thus starving them to death.

·        Iain Duncan Smith has to sign-on and is forced to attend a Work Programme. He has to rewrite his CV, removing all the lies.    

·        The right wing press implodes with fury and evaporates, exacerbating the effects of Climate Change by raising the mean temperature of the planet by 0.5⁰.

·        There are a series of spontaneous combustions throughout the Home Counties, on the morning after the vote, as millions of European Union hating, Little Englanders, open up their copy of the DailyTelegraph/Daily Mail/Sun/Daily Express.

·        The Aussie mongrel is temporarily thwarted, in his plan to destroy the BBC

·        Michael Gove will no longer be able to continue his role within the cabinet as ‘Minster for Murdoch’.

·        Angry of Tunbridge Wells will get angrier.

·        Oberleutanant Chris Grayling is consigned to history and disappears. HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Evil incompetent son of a b&^ch)

 

Vote to leave?

Negative.

·        Michael Gove gets to keep his job.

·        Oberleutnant  Chris Grayling isn’t consigned to history and doesn’t disappear. Boo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Evil incompetent son of a bi^ch).

·        Workers’ rights will be trashed. Paid Maternity and Paternity leave will be abolished, as well as paid holidays and sick leave.

·        The Working Hours Directive will be rescinded, which will mean that those who do not have to, i.e. the well paid, will expect others, i.e. the low paid, to work 60-70 hr weeks, for poverty wages, because everybody knows how important it is to be able to buy some artisan bread at 10pm on a Sunday night.

·        Boris Johnson. There are enough deluded, self-serving idiots in this country who wouldn’t think it was a problem to have a proven liar, adulterer and momentous spunkwank, as Prime Minister.

·        Ukip transmutes into EIP (Earth Independence Party). The party’s mission is to ensure Earth’s withdrawal from the galaxy. Leader of the Earth Independence Party, Nigel Farage, says “even if we are not part of the galaxy, we will still be able to trade with Pluto, Mercury, Mars and all the other planets within the solar system. Just because we are not part of the Galactic Union, doesn't mean they will   suddenly stop sending us their meteorites and low levels of radiation. It’s just scaremongering by the Vote Stay brigade.”.

·        The environment will be destroyed by swivel eyed climate change deniers like Owen Patterson and Nigel Lawson whilst being cheered on by kn*&s like James Dellingsomething (I’m not sure what his surname is, but I am sure that he’s a twat).

·        Trade tariffs will be imposed on British exports, making them more expensive to sell. The European Union will still happily continue to sell us their goods, but they are hardly going to sign a free trade agreement with Britain, or England as we will be, if it affects manufacturers within the European Union.
 

·        We will become an embittered, irrelevant introverted country, on the edge of Europe, with zero political influence. The USA will drop us like a stone. 

Positive.

·        The USA will drop us like a stone.

·        We will no longer have to put up with the endless whining of privately educated, middle aged white men, complaining about not having the power and influence currently held by another group of privately educated, middle aged, white men.

·        Ukip becomes an irrelevance.

·        MEP’s (Member of the European Parliament) will have to get a proper job.

·        Nigel Farage becomes an irrelevance.

·        Jeremy *unt is consigned to history and disappears. Hooray !!!!!!! (Evil incompetent son of a bi^ch).

·        Prime Minister David Cameron’s political career is trashed and he will forever be consigned to history, as ‘the man who destroyed the union,for the purposes of short term political opportunism'.

·        Independence for Scotland.

·        We may not have to participate in The Eurovision Song Contest ever again!!

·        Independence for Wales.

·        Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Minister for the 18^th Century, might, at last, shut the &*** up, and stop polluting the airwaves with his reactionary and self-serving drivel.

·        George Osborne never becomes leader of the Tory party.

·        George Osborne never becomes Prime Minister.

·        Britain can opt out of signing The Trans-Atlantic Trade Agreement, which, if enacted, will allow multi-nationals and large Corporations to sue national governments, using closed courts staffed by lawyers on the corporations’ payroll, as well as ensuring the NHS (National Health Service) is sold, lock stock and barrel, to American Corporations, who will then ensure that universal health care in Britain is as bad as health care delivered in the USA. And that is Fu*king bad!!!!!!!Believe me!!!!!!!

 

Millenials.

Perhaps Millennials might like to take a short break from their constant moaning, about the effects the free market economy is having on their lives, and maybe ask their parents and grandparents why they voted for a string of governments that worshipped at the altar of the Free Market Economy. And also, if you are a Tory voting Millennial, then you should just shut up, because moaning about Tory policy while voting for them, is the equivalent of complaining about the pain, as you repeatedly punch yourself in the face. The pain will only cease when you stop doing it.

The University Boat Race.

?

 

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, whichever way Britain votes, we will still, probably, have to put up with the shallow, vacuous, whining, self-indulgent shite, spewed out by Mrs Gove.

 

Furthermore, the author accepts no responsibility for the voting choices made by any members of the audience of this blog, and are later claimed to be based on the contents of this blog. All characters and events described within this blog are fictitious and any resemblance to real events or people are purely coincidental.

 

(If only).

 

 “It is easier to fool someone, than to convince them that they are being fooled”

(James O’Brien).