Shooting and
hunting folk are a law unto themselves. They like to be thought of as the
guardians of the countryside. The people who supposedly care for the
environment and who are saving it from destruction. They do it with the proviso
that the taxpayer hands them millions of pounds in subsidies (benefits for the
upper and middle classes), but insist that those same taxpayers should keep
their noses out of countryside business. “Bloody townies, gerroff my land!”
They cry. “You don’t understand country ways”. They add. And, “to be honest, if
you don’t give us bucket loads of money, we won’t give a toss about the countryside.”
Although that last comment is rarely said but often thought.
The truth
is, we understand all too well.
We
understand that subsidies, or the proper word for them, Benefits, keep failing
businesses alive and is poorly targeted. How can it be right that a 1000 acre
shooting estate should be in receipt of thousands of pounds in benefits, when
the low paid and the disabled, living in the countryside, are having their
benefits stripped away from them.
We
understand that their desperation to have the Hunting Ban lifted has nothing to
do with controlling the fox population but because it is, in their opinion, jolly
good fun for a bunch of hoorays and their inbred followers to chase a sentient
creature across the countryside, with a pack of hounds, to the point of
exhaustion, before watching, probably with erections, as the living creature is
ripped apart.
We
understand that grouse moors are stripped clean of all wildlife, to protect
non-indigenous game birds, so that the same hoorays along with bankers, gormless ‘celebs’,
newspaper editors and other assorted idiots, can blow those same game birds out
of the sky, for fun, while the same inbred followers walk towards the guns with
sticks.
We
understand that shot gun licences are also subsidised by the taxpayer. How
strange that a nurse from Exeter, or a low paid care worker from Grimsby, or a
firefighter from Newcastle should see their taxes used to subsidise the cost of
a gun license for Lord Hooray, the editor of the Daily Mail, or some nouveau
riche restaurateur. Suddenly, it seems, they are quite happy for a bit of
townie involvement.
We
understand that criminal acts are being frequently perpetrated throughout the
countryside, as protected raptors such as harriers, buzzards, eagles and other
species are shot and poisoned, while hardly any criminal prosecutions see the
light of day. Even Prince Harry has knowingly been involved in the criminal act
of shooting a protected raptor with apparent impunity.
We
understand that numerous raptors that were being tracked, have disappeared
over grouse moors, including eight electronically tagged golden eagles.
We
understand that the population of indigenous species such as stoats, weasels,
badgers and foxes are being depleted or destroyed in the countryside because
they are poisoned or shot as vermin. I think we can all agree that the real
vermin are standing at the other end of the heavily taxpayer subsidised
shotgun.
We
understand that grouse moors are drained, which leads to extreme ecological
damage and causes flooding in cities, towns and villages lower down.
We
understand that grouse moors are burned, which destroys any wildlife that may
have managed to avoid the murdering psychopaths and causes major environmental
damage.
We
understand that people from the ‘nasty brigade’ like Ian Botham (in case you’re
wondering, he used to play cricket. Now he advertises Electrical Muscle
Stimulation machines ?????????), pop up on a regular basis to berate and try to
shut down anybody who has the temerity to point out the crimes, damage and
misdemeanours being committed in the countryside. Botham himself has recently
called for the sacking, from the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) of presenter and
animal rights campaigner Chris Packham, because Packham has the temerity to voice
his views on grouse shooting, inconveniently highlighting the environmental
damage being caused and the crimes being committed. Isn’t it strange how the
people who whine about not being free to say what they want, normally blaming political correctness, are always the first to try and shut down freedom of
speech when someone else says something they disagree with. I think it’s called
self-serving hypocrisy with a whiff of fascism.
We understand
all of the above.
What we
don’t understand is this. Why do they enjoy killing things? Are they psychopaths?
Why do they enjoy slaughtering beautiful creatures like hen harriers or golden
eagles? What pleasure do they derive from seeing a living creature being ripped
apart or blown to smithereens? Why do they want to wipe the countryside clean
of iconic animals such as the badger or the stoat or the weasel or the buzzard
or the otter?
Do they,
like a serial killer, get pleasure from watching life die before their eyes? Do
they experience the same emotions and urges as the Yorkshire Ripper, or Fred
West or Harold Shipman? All three were heartless killers who enjoyed hunting
down their prey and revelled in the kill.
Is it the
power that hunters crave and enjoy? The control over another living creature?
Are these the same squalid perversions that also drive the paedophile, or the
women beater, or the rapist? Are the depraved and deviant appetites of the
paedophile and the rapist the same as the game hunter?
I think we
may be onto something.
Two Ideas to Improve my Olympic
Experience
Idea 1:
Rating: Mischievous.
As a Brit,
over the last few Olympics, I have been able to bask in the reflected glory of
strangers who happen to share the same nationality as me. However, I’m bored
with it now. I miss the days when the whole nation was heartened when a three-day
eventer won a silver or when an extraordinary, rather than ordinary event
occurred, such as a 400 metre hurdler winning gold while his fellow teammate
won a bronze, (oh joy! Thank you David Hemery and John Sherwood. Mexico City 1968). Now
British rowers, athletes, and cyclists are winning golds for fun, and even
trampolinists are winning silvers (I didn’t even know trampolining was a sport!).
I’m not even sure that’s how you spell trampolining. That’s how uneducated I am
about the sport and its existence. I hope the trampolines used, were left out in
the garden all winter, had half the safety netting missing, and were covered in
some unidentifiable green algae. Otherwise it's not proper trampolining!!!!!!!
The solution
is simple. Withdraw all lottery funding immediately and redirect it into the National
Health Service, so that Aunt Netty can get her varicose veins sorted, and in
future we can share vicariously, in the rare but precious glory of a boxer
winning a silver, or a trap shooter who manages to scrape a bronze.
Idea 2:
Rating: Serious.
If you are
successful as an athlete, because of lottery funding, and that success leads
onto lucrative endorsements such as high end watches, clothing, jewellery,
beauty products or cars, surely, rather like tuition fees, if the athlete
achieves a certain level of income, that funding, or at least a part of it,
should be paid back to the treasury so it can be used to help another young
athlete.
Death of a Schoolgirl.
Although I
do not agree with the misguided actions of London schoolgirl Kadiza Sultana,
who went to join Islamic State and eventually died in a Russian airstrike in
Raqqa, I also do not agree with the levels of triumphalism and glee
demonstrated by the mainly right wing goon squad, who appear to be revelling in
the death of a child. Frankly I find it disgusting and probably similar to actions
you would expect to see from Islamic State supporters if the situation had been
reversed. I have a distinct feeling that the right wing goon squad and supporters of Islamic State are probably cut from the same cloth.
Bumper Stickers Currently Annoying
Brexiteers.
It’s not my fault. I voted to remain.
You broke it, you fix it.
It wasn’t me. I voted to remain.
" Red sky at night. The hay barn's on fire"
