Murderous Psychopaths Roaming Free in the British Countryside.

 

Shooting and hunting folk are a law unto themselves. They like to be thought of as the guardians of the countryside. The people who supposedly care for the environment and who are saving it from destruction. They do it with the proviso that the taxpayer hands them millions of pounds in subsidies (benefits for the upper and middle classes), but insist that those same taxpayers should keep their noses out of countryside business. “Bloody townies, gerroff my land!” They cry. “You don’t understand country ways”. They add. And, “to be honest, if you don’t give us bucket loads of money, we won’t give a toss about the countryside.” Although that last comment is rarely said but often thought.

The truth is, we understand all too well.

We understand that subsidies, or the proper word for them, Benefits, keep failing businesses alive and is poorly targeted. How can it be right that a 1000 acre shooting estate should be in receipt of thousands of pounds in benefits, when the low paid and the disabled, living in the countryside, are having their benefits stripped away from them.

We understand that their desperation to have the Hunting Ban lifted has nothing to do with controlling the fox population but because it is, in their opinion, jolly good fun for a bunch of hoorays and their inbred followers to chase a sentient creature across the countryside, with a pack of hounds, to the point of exhaustion, before watching, probably with erections, as the living creature is ripped apart.

We understand that grouse moors are stripped clean of all wildlife, to protect non-indigenous game birds, so that the same hoorays along with bankers, gormless ‘celebs’, newspaper editors and other assorted idiots, can blow those same game birds out of the sky, for fun, while the same inbred followers walk towards the guns with sticks.

We understand that shot gun licences are also subsidised by the taxpayer. How strange that a nurse from Exeter, or a low paid care worker from Grimsby, or a firefighter from Newcastle should see their taxes used to subsidise the cost of a gun license for Lord Hooray, the editor of the Daily Mail, or some nouveau riche restaurateur. Suddenly, it seems, they are quite happy for a bit of townie involvement.

We understand that criminal acts are being frequently perpetrated throughout the countryside, as protected raptors such as harriers, buzzards, eagles and other species are shot and poisoned, while hardly any criminal prosecutions see the light of day. Even Prince Harry has knowingly been involved in the criminal act of shooting a protected raptor with apparent impunity.

We understand that numerous raptors that were being tracked, have disappeared over grouse moors, including eight electronically tagged golden eagles.

We understand that the population of indigenous species such as stoats, weasels, badgers and foxes are being depleted or destroyed in the countryside because they are poisoned or shot as vermin. I think we can all agree that the real vermin are standing at the other end of the heavily taxpayer subsidised shotgun.

We understand that grouse moors are drained, which leads to extreme ecological damage and causes flooding in cities, towns and villages lower down.

We understand that grouse moors are burned, which destroys any wildlife that may have managed to avoid the murdering psychopaths and causes major environmental damage.

We understand that people from the ‘nasty brigade’ like Ian Botham (in case you’re wondering, he used to play cricket. Now he advertises Electrical Muscle Stimulation machines ?????????), pop up on a regular basis to berate and try to shut down anybody who has the temerity to point out the crimes, damage and misdemeanours being committed in the countryside. Botham himself has recently called for the sacking, from the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) of presenter and animal rights campaigner Chris Packham, because Packham has the temerity to voice his views on grouse shooting, inconveniently highlighting the environmental damage being caused and the crimes being committed. Isn’t it strange how the people who whine about not being free to say what they want, normally blaming political correctness, are always the first to try and shut down freedom of speech when someone else says something they disagree with. I think it’s called self-serving hypocrisy with a whiff of fascism.

We understand all of the above.

What we don’t understand is this. Why do they enjoy killing things? Are they psychopaths? Why do they enjoy slaughtering beautiful creatures like hen harriers or golden eagles? What pleasure do they derive from seeing a living creature being ripped apart or blown to smithereens? Why do they want to wipe the countryside clean of iconic animals such as the badger or the stoat or the weasel or the buzzard or the otter?

Do they, like a serial killer, get pleasure from watching life die before their eyes? Do they experience the same emotions and urges as the Yorkshire Ripper, or Fred West or Harold Shipman? All three were heartless killers who enjoyed hunting down their prey and revelled in the kill.

Is it the power that hunters crave and enjoy? The control over another living creature? Are these the same squalid perversions that also drive the paedophile, or the women beater, or the rapist? Are the depraved and deviant appetites of the paedophile and the rapist the same as the game hunter?

I think we may be onto something.

Two Ideas to Improve my Olympic Experience

Idea 1: Rating: Mischievous.

As a Brit, over the last few Olympics, I have been able to bask in the reflected glory of strangers who happen to share the same nationality as me. However, I’m bored with it now. I miss the days when the whole nation was heartened when a three-day eventer won a silver or when an extraordinary, rather than ordinary event occurred, such as a 400 metre hurdler winning gold while his fellow teammate won a bronze, (oh joy! Thank you David Hemery and John Sherwood. Mexico City 1968). Now British rowers, athletes, and cyclists are winning golds for fun, and even trampolinists are winning silvers (I didn’t even know trampolining was a sport!). I’m not even sure that’s how you spell trampolining. That’s how uneducated I am about the sport and its existence. I hope the trampolines used, were left out in the garden all winter, had half the safety netting missing, and were covered in some unidentifiable green algae. Otherwise it's not proper trampolining!!!!!!!

The solution is simple. Withdraw all lottery funding immediately and redirect it into the National Health Service, so that Aunt Netty can get her varicose veins sorted, and in future we can share vicariously, in the rare but precious glory of a boxer winning a silver, or a trap shooter who manages to scrape a bronze.

Idea 2: Rating: Serious.

If you are successful as an athlete, because of lottery funding, and that success leads onto lucrative endorsements such as high end watches, clothing, jewellery, beauty products or cars, surely, rather like tuition fees, if the athlete achieves a certain level of income, that funding, or at least a part of it, should be paid back to the treasury so it can be used to help another young athlete.

 Death of a Schoolgirl.

Although I do not agree with the misguided actions of London schoolgirl Kadiza Sultana, who went to join Islamic State and eventually died in a Russian airstrike in Raqqa, I also do not agree with the levels of triumphalism and glee demonstrated by the mainly right wing goon squad, who appear to be revelling in the death of a child. Frankly I find it disgusting and probably similar to actions you would expect to see from Islamic State supporters if the situation had been reversed. I have a distinct feeling that the right wing goon squad and supporters of Islamic State are probably cut from the same cloth.

 Bumper Stickers Currently Annoying Brexiteers.

It’s not my fault. I voted to remain.

You broke it, you fix it.

It wasn’t me. I voted to remain.

 

" Red sky at night. The hay barn's on fire"