The
following statement will shock you Reader, but over the last twenty years’
white people have been oppressed. They’ve been denied their God given right, by
those politically correct zealots (polite,
civilised, educated people) to call a black man a ni**er, anybody of South
Asian appearance a P*ki, anybody of Middle Eastern appearance, a ragh**d, or a
victim of rape, a slut who was asking for it. The humanity of it all.
I mean,
really, I didn’t fight on the beaches of Normandy to have my rights as a God
fearing disgusting racist, sexist, xenophobic retard, taken away from me by a
bunch of bleeding heart liberal feminazis
(It’s true actually, I didn’t fight on the beaches of Normandy. I was born
loads of years later. Although I did have a disagreement with a bloke from
Birmingham, on Brighton beach once, but I don’t think you could call it fighting.
He shoved me once and I shoved him back).
Anyway,
let’s get back to being outraged because I’m not allowed to call a homosexual
man a batty boy (I’m not really sure what
that is, but apparently, it’s quite offensive if you’re gay), or accusing a
Jewish person of being parsimonious with their finances. I am furious, my ire
is really irey(?). I am constipated (as
it happens, I am at the moment), with indignation when a woman frowns at me
when I tell her to cheer up and when I helpfully, out of the kindness of my
heart (sob), inform her what she
needs, nudge, nudge. I mean, it’s only a joke! Women can be so touchy when you
sexually threaten them, can’t they?
Fortunately,
to fight the corner for us poor oppressed little racist, sexist, homophobic
snowflake honky’s, we have privately educated, former banker, chief stoker on
the Euro gravy train, and current racist fantasist, Nigel Farage. A man who
claims to be anti-establishment and a man of the people, but yet appears
desperately keen to get away from ‘the people’ (whatever that phrase means), by joining the reviled establishment by
being admitted into the House of Lords (and
don’t talk foreign if you’re sitting near him on a train. He don’t like it
none). Then we have sociopath, flat earther, conspiracy theorist, self-proclaimed
sex pest, misogynist and gigantic nepotist, Donald J Trump, the first US
President to have a daughter-wife, fighting the cause for all us white
supremacists. And of course, there’s the editor of the Daily Mail, a grubby man
who appears to be so emotionally repressed that I would not be surprised if
every time a woman walked past him and accidentally brushed his arm, he
ejaculated.
Thank god
for white privilege, hey.
And let’s
not forget the hard graft put in by craven, self-serving, right wing
journalists and dim-witted one eyed presenters on Dogwhistle Radio. How else will the hard one rights of women, ethnic
minorities, people of colour and the LGBT community be rolled back, if not for
these brave, disadvantaged, self-sacrificing, oppressed white martyrs of
righteousness.
Now I know
what you’re thinking. This bloke is taken the piss and he is actually one of
those people who have the temerity to care about the plight of people less
fortunate than himself (bleeding heart
liberal), he’s one of those politically correct snowflakes (polite, educated), he’s one of those
geezers who treat women with respect, and as equals (civilised). He is just pretending to be someone who wants to drag
Britain back to the feudal days of ‘no
blacks, no Irish, no dogs’. He’s not a hypocritical, fascist, racist, woman
hater, who thinks a woman’s place is in the kitchen or the bedroom, but
definitely not in the workplace at all. I bet he’s never called a gay man a
faggot (I haven't), the impostor! This is just a veiled attack on us brexiteers. I bet he
voted to remain in the European Union (damn
it Ed. I’ve been rumbled). He’s one of those bloody remoaners (hilarious?), who keeps pointing out to
us brexiteers what a colossal act of self-harm we’ve perpetrated, and that the
extremists amongst us are a bunch of wilfully ignorant, knuckle dragging, led
by the nose, women hating racists, gagging to deport foreigners who we consider
to be ‘unter mensch’.
Well done
haters, you’ve uncovered my cunning plan. Aha! I am a remoaner! (although I
prefer to be referred to as…….. ‘the
Shadow’, if you don’t mind), and yes,
we will keep pointing out, no matter how inconvenient you find details,
evidence and facts to be, what an idiotic selfish choice you’ve made. You
haven’t created your fascist utopia yet. Where all dissenters are imprisoned or
summarily executed for having an opposing view. You haven't taken away our right to freedom of speech yet. So, yes, no matter how
inconvenient you propagators of hate and division find it, we will continue to
point out every day, for the rest of your lives, this arrant act of stupidity
you’ve perpetrated upon the United Kingdom. You can’t keep your fingers in your
ears 24/7 snowflakes, which, let’s face it, for most of you brexiteers, will
only be another 10 or 15 years at best. That’s the irony of this situation. The
majority of leave voters will have popped their clogs within the next decade,
leaving Britain as a giant khasi for their children and their grandchildren.
Bravo
snowflakes. Carry on being outraged. Dismissed.
Warning: The article
above is heavy with sarcasm, satire, and irony. Some may even call it sardonic,
controversial, purposefully argumentative, tongue in cheek and a bit of a wind
up. If you needed this warning to apprise you of the content and purpose of the
article, then you shouldn’t be reading it in the first place.
Parts of this article
may have contained humour and therefore may cause side effects if you suffer
from being right wing. If so, please seek immediate medical help.
Letter from Loonyland.
A group of
paranoid, swivel eyed, loony mouth-frothers, otherwise known as Tory Members of
Parliament, sent a letter to the BBC complaining about the corporation’s
alleged biased coverage of the European Union referendum and subsequent decision
to leave. It’s a chilling reality that a bunch of ‘elected’ mouth breathers are
so desperate, and consider it acceptable in a democracy, to attempt to shut
down anybody who may have a different point of view from them and who think it
is acceptable to try and close down freedom of speech for the purposes of self-interest.
Amongst the mob are several rabid climate change deniers that are attached to an
anti-climate change group, several idiots, and a majority of BBC haters who are
desperate to see the BBC dismantled and sold off to News International.
Between a Rock and a Spanish Place.
(written on
31st March 2017 as a light-hearted joke)
Have a
thought for Gibraltarians. Now that Britain is leaving the European Union, the
European Union has now relinquished its role as arbitrator between Spain and
Britain and will now work in the interests of Spain.
Well that’s
the first war sorted out post Brexit I suppose. Can somebody exhume the body of
The Duke of Wellington. We might need him.
(spoken by
former Tory leader Michael Howard on 2nd April 2017)
“Mrs Thatcher sent a task force down
to the Falklands to protect a group of people against another Spanish speaking
nation.I'm sure Mrs May has the same resolve”.
Now I know
why Howard lost a General Election. He’s a bloody idiot.
“The past is a foreign land that you’ve never visited.” (anon)
