The Rise of the White.

 

The following statement will shock you Reader, but over the last twenty years’ white people have been oppressed. They’ve been denied their God given right, by those politically correct zealots (polite, civilised, educated people) to call a black man a ni**er, anybody of South Asian appearance a P*ki, anybody of Middle Eastern appearance, a ragh**d, or a victim of rape, a slut who was asking for it. The humanity of it all.

I mean, really, I didn’t fight on the beaches of Normandy to have my rights as a God fearing disgusting racist, sexist, xenophobic retard, taken away from me by a bunch of bleeding heart liberal feminazis (It’s true actually, I didn’t fight on the beaches of Normandy. I was born loads of years later. Although I did have a disagreement with a bloke from Birmingham, on Brighton beach once, but I don’t think you could call it fighting. He shoved me once and I shoved him back).

Anyway, let’s get back to being outraged because I’m not allowed to call a homosexual man a batty boy (I’m not really sure what that is, but apparently, it’s quite offensive if you’re gay), or accusing a Jewish person of being parsimonious with their finances. I am furious, my ire is really irey(?). I am constipated (as it happens, I am at the moment), with indignation when a woman frowns at me when I tell her to cheer up and when I helpfully, out of the kindness of my heart (sob), inform her what she needs, nudge, nudge. I mean, it’s only a joke! Women can be so touchy when you sexually threaten them, can’t they?

Fortunately, to fight the corner for us poor oppressed little racist, sexist, homophobic snowflake honky’s, we have privately educated, former banker, chief stoker on the Euro gravy train, and current racist fantasist, Nigel Farage. A man who claims to be anti-establishment and a man of the people, but yet appears desperately keen to get away from ‘the people’ (whatever that phrase means), by joining the reviled establishment by being admitted into the House of Lords (and don’t talk foreign if you’re sitting near him on a train. He don’t like it none). Then we have sociopath, flat earther, conspiracy theorist, self-proclaimed sex pest, misogynist and gigantic nepotist, Donald J Trump, the first US President to have a daughter-wife, fighting the cause for all us white supremacists. And of course, there’s the editor of the Daily Mail, a grubby man who appears to be so emotionally repressed that I would not be surprised if every time a woman walked past him and accidentally brushed his arm, he ejaculated.

Thank god for white privilege, hey.

And let’s not forget the hard graft put in by craven, self-serving, right wing journalists and  dim-witted one eyed presenters on Dogwhistle Radio. How else will the hard one rights of women, ethnic minorities, people of colour and the LGBT community be rolled back, if not for these brave, disadvantaged, self-sacrificing, oppressed white martyrs of righteousness.

Now I know what you’re thinking. This bloke is taken the piss and he is actually one of those people who have the temerity to care about the plight of people less fortunate than himself (bleeding heart liberal), he’s one of those politically correct snowflakes (polite, educated), he’s one of those geezers who treat women with respect, and as equals (civilised). He is just pretending to be someone who wants to drag Britain back to the feudal days of ‘no blacks, no Irish, no dogs’. He’s not a hypocritical, fascist, racist, woman hater, who thinks a woman’s place is in the kitchen or the bedroom, but definitely not in the workplace at all. I bet he’s never called a gay man a faggot (I haven't), the impostor! This is just a veiled attack on us brexiteers. I bet he voted to remain in the European Union (damn it Ed. I’ve been rumbled). He’s one of those bloody remoaners (hilarious?), who keeps pointing out to us brexiteers what a colossal act of self-harm we’ve perpetrated, and that the extremists amongst us are a bunch of wilfully ignorant, knuckle dragging, led by the nose, women hating racists, gagging to deport foreigners who we consider to be ‘unter mensch’.

Well done haters, you’ve uncovered my cunning plan. Aha! I am a remoaner! (although I prefer to be referred to as…….. ‘the Shadow’, if you don’t mind), and yes, we will keep pointing out, no matter how inconvenient you find details, evidence and facts to be, what an idiotic selfish choice you’ve made. You haven’t created your fascist utopia yet. Where all dissenters are imprisoned or summarily executed for having an opposing view. You haven't taken away our right to freedom of speech yet. So, yes, no matter how inconvenient you propagators of hate and division find it, we will continue to point out every day, for the rest of your lives, this arrant act of stupidity you’ve perpetrated upon the United Kingdom. You can’t keep your fingers in your ears 24/7 snowflakes, which, let’s face it, for most of you brexiteers, will only be another 10 or 15 years at best. That’s the irony of this situation. The majority of leave voters will have popped their clogs within the next decade, leaving Britain as a giant khasi for their children and their grandchildren.

Bravo snowflakes. Carry on being outraged. Dismissed.

Warning: The article above is heavy with sarcasm, satire, and irony. Some may even call it sardonic, controversial, purposefully argumentative, tongue in cheek and a bit of a wind up. If you needed this warning to apprise you of the content and purpose of the article, then you shouldn’t be reading it in the first place.

Parts of this article may have contained humour and therefore may cause side effects if you suffer from being right wing. If so, please seek immediate medical help.

Letter from Loonyland.

A group of paranoid, swivel eyed, loony mouth-frothers, otherwise known as Tory Members of Parliament, sent a letter to the BBC complaining about the corporation’s alleged biased coverage of the European Union referendum and subsequent decision to leave. It’s a chilling reality that a bunch of ‘elected’ mouth breathers are so desperate, and consider it acceptable in a democracy, to attempt to shut down anybody who may have a different point of view from them and who think it is acceptable to try and close down freedom of speech for the purposes of self-interest. Amongst the mob are several rabid climate change deniers that are attached to an anti-climate change group, several idiots, and a majority of BBC haters who are desperate to see the BBC dismantled and sold off to News International.

Between a Rock and a Spanish Place.

(written on 31^st March 2017 as a light-hearted joke)

Have a thought for Gibraltarians. Now that Britain is leaving the European Union, the European Union has now relinquished its role as arbitrator between Spain and Britain and will now work in the interests of Spain.
Well that’s the first war sorted out post Brexit I suppose. Can somebody exhume the body of The Duke of Wellington. We might need him.

(spoken by former Tory leader Michael Howard on 2^nd April 2017)

“Mrs Thatcher sent a task force down to the Falklands to protect a group of people against another Spanish speaking nation.I'm sure Mrs May has the same resolve”.

Now I know why Howard lost a General Election. He’s a bloody idiot.

 

“The past is a foreign land that you’ve never visited.” (anon)